


So sorry, so thankful

by CaffeinatedCopyeditor



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Background Relationships, Davekat are very in love, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Its very fluffy but they both have angsty backstories, M/M, Not Epilogue Compliant, Rated Mature for Dark Themes, Slice of Life, Swearing, referenced canonical death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:34:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28925886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaffeinatedCopyeditor/pseuds/CaffeinatedCopyeditor
Summary: ‘Wait, you have photos of Alternia?’Dave looks through Karkat's old photo album. There are a lot of faces he doesn't quite recognise.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 3
Kudos: 78





	So sorry, so thankful

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly, thank you so much to everyone who left kind words on my previous Davekat fic! J'm too nervous to reply to each one individually, but I love getting nice comments and I look at them a lot! 
> 
> Secondly, this one is very fluffy but does come with a lot of warnings, just because of the dark stuff Dave and Karkat discuss. I like to be thorough, so here they are!  
> Warnings: Swearing, Mourning, reference to Alternian violence, Reference to Alternian execution, general warning for Alternia stuff, non-graphic depiction of hunting, reference to canonical character death, bug mention, teeth mention, big references to the fight between the trolls that lead to Aradia's death.

You and Karkat are snuggled up, bug-like, on the couch. Well, not like full cuddle-town, because you are eating, but there’s definitely some lean-age going on. Its been kind of a boring day, honeslty. Domestic bliss and all that. You and Karkat bickered before breakfast and ignored each other for most of the day. Whatever, you're over it. Now its dinner time and both of you were too tired to change the channel, so there’s some shitty documentary on the TV that you’ve been roasting for the last fifteen minutes.

‘How the fuck do you make a documentary about Alternia, and ignore the carnival culture? These idiots wouldn’t know an Insane Clown Posse if they were being strapped to a murder-go-round by the head Jesterker!’

Okay, well, when you say you’ve been roasting it, you mostly mean Karkat has been picking holes in the whole thing. It’s pretty entertaining though. Half because of the cute look on his squishy, angry face, and half because you don’t know most of the words he’s spouting. After a few years of life on Earth C you are pretty down with the troll kidz, so the day-to-day lingo is very much a part of your vocabulary. It’s almost nostalgic to have no fucking clue what he’s on about.

‘Yeah dude. That’s like, so messed up. You should write and complain.’ You say, sarcastically.

‘I will!’ He seethes. ‘And another thing, they totally don’t even know what a lawnring is. Its not even that – oh.’

He stops in his tracks, eyes glued to the screen. You manage to tear your own eyes away from him for a hot-sec to check out what he’s ogling. It’s actual footage of Alternia, apparently ripped from someone’s palmhusk because its shaky as all fuck. You actually feel something in your stomach twist at the sight. Who took this? It must have been one of the players, or it wouldn’t be here. You really don’t like to think about all the people who lived on the planets you all left behind. Its not a wicked fun time.

At least Karkat seems to share in your feelings of uncertainty. He pauses it for a second, on a blurred image of some kind of marketplace.

‘I’ve been there. That was like, right near my hive. Sollux and I used to go all the time!’

You run a quick check in your head for which one Sollux was. Its hard not to be an insensitive prick when most of your boyfriend’s friends are dead, but you try your best. Except, Sollux is the not-dead one, right? Off doing space shit. Awesome. It’s always nice when you get to talk about someone who didn’t die.

That settled, you glance from him to the screen again. It looks really quiet. Every market you ever went to was bustling with people, but its like some kind of ghost town. Knowing Alternia, it might actually be a ghost town.

‘I kind of thought Alternia would be more like. Hoards of people stabbing each other. Like, no offense, obviously I know you were more of a stab-ee than a stabber. Actually, Y’all probably had a proper word for a stabber.   
Stabstecutioner? Stabdicator?’

‘How fucking dare you be right.’ He snaps, but he’s smiling so you consider that win. His lil troll teeth are poking out like super cutely. You see them every day, but you never really get over it. You are dating an alien!

‘Are you fucking listening?’ 

‘Nah.’

‘What are you thinking about?’

‘Teeth.’

‘Again?’ he huffs, turning back to the screen. He gestures at it with his fork, though you’ve both finished eating. You're just playing the waiting game to see who will cave first and take the dishes out. ‘I think I have a picture somewhere.’

‘Of teeth?’ you ask, only half joking. 

‘Of that market.’

That surprises you, but it doesn’t surprise you that you are surprised. You and Karkat know each other, but you don’t always know a lot about each other. Wait, does that make sense? Its like, you know how he’s gonna react to stuff. You know what food he likes and stuff he enjoys. But if he told you that he used to be a sailor you would have to take his word for it.

Talking about the past is tricky, for both of you. He gets it, you get it. You would totally tell him anything, like he’s the best dude and the best, dude. But bringing shit like that up is hard, so its mostly kept to late night conversations. And even then, its always the meaty, angsty shit, not really a trivia-type situation. You don’t have to have all the facts to love him, though, and he knows that. So he isn’t surprised when you ask:  
‘Wait, you have photos of Alternia?’

‘Obviously. I mean, sure, did Alternia have problems? Yes. But we had fucking cameras eons before you knuckleheads. And not just because we came first, I mean like, chronologically we got them before you. Why did it take humans so long, anyway? It’s not fucking hard to capture images, Dave. ’

‘Can I see?’ You ask, before you tangle yourself if knots getting nervous about it.

He looks at you, thoughtfully. You try your best not to blush. Seriously, Dave, get your shit together. You’ve been dating for literal years. Can you stop pining for one fucking second?

No, you can’t. You are the disaster gay, it’s you.

Karkat’s taking his time with this one, though. You let him. You’re a cool enough dude that you can chill for a minute while your best bud thinks things through. You know he has all sorts of messed up feelings about Alternia. You don’t quite get it, cos like, as far as your concerned it was a trash planet that tried to kill a whole bunch of people you love. But he lived there, and its still home for him, so you let him simmer for a sec. He’s like a little pot of stew. Cute, cute, stew.

‘Yeah, okay.’ He says after a while. 

‘Little anticlimactic there, Kark. Where’s the big reveal?’

He glares at you, but there’s humour in his eyes, so you know its just his usual how-fucking-dare-you-be-funny glare. That’s basically a full belly laugh from Karkat. He starts the ever-arduous process of digging through his Sylladex. These days the two of you mostly use bags, because its stupidly easier, but all your old junk is still floating around in your space pockets.

Soon, he’s shoving this leather-bound book into your hands. You don’t want to think about what the leather is made from, but by the purple hue you are guessing its some kind of bug. But then, everything on Alternia seems to be some kind of bug, even the plants. Even the trolls. This totally isn’t troll skin though, because Karkat wouldn’t do that to you, right? Right? Don’t think about that, Dave. Just look at the cute photos. Open the book, Dave.

‘Open the book, Dave.’ Karkat says. He can always tell when you’ve zoned out. Its sweet as fuck, because you mostly don’t notice. That’s part of the zone-out experience.

You open it.

‘I don’t have as many as Kanaya. I’m a sentimental sack of shit but I’m not a complete dribbling moron. I know that I didn’t do much worth photographing. Half of them are just of me and crabdad -see. That’s us on the day I got my first husktop.’

So, uh. You’ve heard of Lusi. You know them, you love them, you’ve just never seen one. And that sure is a crab monster, huh? The way Karkat has placed a gentle finger against the photograph, pointing and caressing all at once, tells you to keep your reaction to a minimum. But that’s cool. You are Mr. Minimum Reaction. That’s like your whole thing.

Would that make a good rapper name? Something to think about later.

Its only after acknowledging the big crab thingy that you can turn your attention to the sweet, tiny Karkles.

‘Holy shit dude! Your eyes are huge!’

‘So? Wigglers have big eyes.’

‘You look like a puppy.’

Karkat scowls at you, and turns a couple more pages. All the pictures are of him, and his Lusus, in his hive. Karkat and his Lusus training. Karkat and his Lusus relaxing. Karkat and his Lusus…digging a big hole in his living room? He doesn’t bother to explain, so you don’t ask.

‘See what I mean? Boring as shit. Oh, here we go.’

Suddenly, there’s another troll. You don’t recognise her. 

‘That’s Nepeta.’

‘The cat girl?’

‘Yeah. She wasn’t as in to them back then though. Look, she doesn’t even have the hat.’

He’s smiling fondly at the photograph. In it, he and Nepeta look to be about eight years old, and standing over something…furry? Oh, ew. But the pair of them look pretty happy.  
‘We met while I was hunting. I was pretty bad at it, but sometimes I couldn’t risk shopping. She helped me out. She’s how I met the others.’

‘I liked her.’ You say, searching your brain. She was the RP one, right? ‘Were you two close?’

Karkat doesn’t answer the question. 

Instead, he flips quickly through a few more pages. He seems to be looking for something, almost frantically. You catch sight of Kanaya once or twice, and Gamzee too. You try not to think about that creepy ass clown.

‘Where are Terezi and Vriska? Too busy being evil?’

‘Mostly.’ He responds. ‘But we actually only met once before the game. Here.’

Finally, he stops on the page he was apparently looking for. It’s a group shot. Ten smiling faces beam out at you. You understand this kind of photo. You’ve got one just like it taped to your desk, so that your three besties can help you while you work. This is a photo for remembering.

‘I couldn’t risk it, mostly. They were my friends, but I didn’t trust them or anything.’ He says, as though its easy. As though that’s a casual thing to say. You know he’s only bothering to explain this because you are human. ‘This was for one of the Condesce’s special events. I won’t tell you what it was because it was gruesome as fuck, but it called for a crowd, which meant nobody was allowed to kill each other. It was pretty fucking awesome.’

Looking at this gives you an intense emotion you can’t quite describe, and would rather not focus on. You scan the faces before you, heart racing. Karkat’s being so open right now and you feel like such a failure of a boyfriend because you don’t know who most of these people are. And he’s talking so quickly, trying his best to explain, but it all just sounds super sad? Your childhood was pretty fucked up, your brain reminds you. Shut up brain, you say. This is about Karkat, you say. (Its also about you, a little bit, you remind yourself, but shhhhh.)

Trying not to panic, you zone in on the people you can name. On one side is Vriska, obnoxiously present as always. Weirdly, she’s on the opposite side to Terezi. Both of them are grinning wildly, though. Then there’s your sister-in-law, and it’s weird to see her so young. She has her arm wrapped around someone’s shoulders. He looks miserable, whoever he is. And Karkat is on his other side, carefully not making physical contact with anyone, but clearly wanting to be close to the sad guy. Maybe you would have an easier time recognising if he weren’t all in black. Is he some kind of troll goth? Do trolls have goths? You like his shades, though the red-and-blue is a little flashy for your tastes.

Okay Dave, don’t get hung up on the sad guy. Keep going. There are ten whole trolls in this picture, and you need to prove your love for Karkat by at least sort of recognising all of them. Except – wait.

‘Hold up a second, dude. Weren’t there twelve players in your session?’

‘Wow, congrats bulgestain, you learnt to count.’ He snarls, with no real malice. ‘Aradia was already dead and ghosts aren’t allowed at execu- at events. Tavros was still recovering.’

Recovering? Oh. Oh shit. This must be after that big fight thing, huh? You still don’t have all the details, and you don’t think you want them. You could ask…but then your eyes catch on the distance between Terezi and Vriska in the photo. Anything that could tear those two apart would have to be pretty catastrophic. Better not.

You can’t read Karkat’s face, which is weird. He isn’t usually a very restrained guy. He’s just staring, enraptured, at the photograph. You feel that weird, emotional wave rise up inside you again, and squash it the fuck down. You wrap an arm around his shoulder, and he snuggles closer. That’s a bonus boyfriend point for you. Since you are doing so well, you might as well go for the ultimate point bonus – honesty.

‘So, do you think you could tell me who some of them are? If you want to, of course. No pressure.’

‘Oh, right. Sorry, I forget sometimes that you didn’t- or, that you never- you know.’

‘Yeah.’

‘So that’s Nepeta again, and next to her is Equius. Moirails, if you can’t tell by the diamonds in their eyes. Then Eridan, total nookwiff, and Feferi. I didn’t know her very well. She kinda freaked me out.’

You startle, then look closer. Oh, dang.

‘She looks like the Condesce.’

‘Yep. Hence the aforementioned freaking out.’

You can’t fault him for that one.

‘And then I think you know the rest? Me, Kanaya, Gam, Sollux,’ Oh! That’s the sad guy. ‘Nepeta, and the scourge sisters.’

All the little feelings have kinda coalesced into your throat, into one big ass feeling. Oh no. You better watch out, Dave. You try to swallow, but no use. Here come those feelings.

‘I’m really glad you made it.’ You say in a rush. He looks at you, quizzically. ‘Like, it sucks that so many people died, and I know you knew them and I’m sorry. But I’m just super glad I got to meet you, and I look at this stuff and realise how easily that could have not happened. So, I just wanted you to know that. Is that cool?’

Karkat snorts, and places the book aside so he can wrap his arms around your midsection.

‘Of course its not cool, you idiot. You’re crying like a wriggler.’

‘I don’t know dude. Crying is pretty cool. I mean, it’s free-water from your face. How rad is that?’

‘Shut up, loser.’ He presses his face into your chest. ‘I’m glad I met you too. Thank you for listening to me rant about my friends.’

‘Anytime.’ You smile into his hair. ‘And if you ever want to see any in return, I have some super embarrassing selfies from Rose’s emo phase.’

‘Oh, fuck yeah.’

Pressing a kiss to his head, you feel like you could love him forever. Maybe you don’t spend everyday gushing over him like you used to. Sometimes you argue about dishes, or get fed-up enough to watch shitty documentaries. But when you come home every day, its him. He’s there. And you could never learn another thing about him and be the luckiest man alive, because you get to press your head against his heartbeat late at night. Or you could learn everything there is to know about Karkat Vantas, and still find yourself in awe at his outrageous reactions to the smallest things. Maybe sometimes, there will be boring days. You don't mind. Not every moment you spend with him is going to have a point.  
But you are so very glad that he is here.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Take care!


End file.
